12.12.06 – By Geoffrey Ciani: Saturday afternoon, I woke up with a major hang over and was feeling rather unmotivated. During such instances, I find the best way to escape this realm is by taking things easy. So I plopped down on the couch and began aimlessly flipping through the TV channels in search of motivation. Much to my delight, I discovered that TNT was playing a mini-Rocky marathon. I smiled merrily as I watched the closing credits of Rocky II scrolling down the screen, and with eager anticipation, I awaited the beginning of the third installment. Indeed, I was in need of motivation and Rocky III was just what the doctor ordered!
Rocky III is mindless entertainment at its very best. By that, I’m talking about a film that provides maximum entertainment value without the need to actually think. Any good action film ordinarily fits the bill, but Rocky III represents an even higher order of this phenomenon.
After all, not only was this movie released during a time when the 1980s were becoming the greatest decade the world has ever known, but it also starred a superb action cast, led by the impeccable trio of Sly Stallone, Mr. T, and The Hulkster.
The story follows the career of determined pugilist, Rocky Balboa (Stallone), who begins his title reign after capturing the heavyweight crown in his rematch with “Master of Disaster”, Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers). Led by his trainer Mickey (brilliantly portrayed by Burgess Meredith), Rocky successfully makes ten defenses of his championship belt. Everything seems great for Balboa, but as Rocky would soon learn, things aren’t always what they seem. While Rocky was consumed with his new-found celebrity status, he was slowly losing his edge as a fighter. In the words of his manager, the worst thing that can ever happen to a fighter was happening to Rocky—he became civilized.
Even worse, unbeknownst to Balboa, his manager was protecting him from a menacing young fighter by the name of Clubber Lang (Mr. T). Poor Rocky was oblivious to this fact. He was just coasting through life, believing he was the best, when in reality he’d yet to face the best available challenger. The story brilliantly portrays the path of an aging boxer who loses his killer instinct in the aftermath of a long-celebrated success.
As far as Rocky films go, this one had it all. Sure, it was a bit gay watching Rocky and Apollo jumping and hugging like a couple of queers in the ocean, but we can overlook that scene and focus on the positives. For starters, we get a lot of boxing in this installment of the franchise. Aside from the two matches between Balboa and Lang, we are also afforded the opportunity to watch Balboa square off against wrestling champ, Thunder Lips (Hulk Hogan). Additionally, we get a highlight reel of Rocky’s ten title defenses against the ‘bum of the month’ club, and we even get a recap of Rocky’s storybook win in his rematch with Creed.
In the end, none of the boxing is realistic, but who cares? Defense is overrated anyway, and it’s not as if casual fans watch the sport so boxers can showcase their defensive prowess. On the contrary, casual fans watch so they can see two guys beat the shit out of each other, and that’s exactly the type of mindless entertainment that Rocky III so brilliantly provides. In addition to the unrealistic fighting, we’re afforded two training sequences, and better yet, not only do we get the ordinarily stellar Rocky Theme music, but in Rocky III, they even decided to throw in “Eye of the Tiger” for good measure. Who could ask for anything more?
For me, the best part of this film revolves around Rocky’s love for his wife, Adrian (Talia Shire). I’m not talking about sappy love scenes or any other nonsense of the sort. The brilliance of Rocky films is that there’s never a need for such scenes because the point can easily be made during the training sequence. Let me explain: Before Rocky had that all-important talk with Adrian, his training was shit. He was getting clobbered by Creed in sparring, he was struggling to do the doggy-paddle during his daily swim, and he was running as if his feet were made of lead. Hell, there wasn’t even any Rocky music!
That is, until that all-important talk with Adrian in which Rocky confides to her that he’s afraid. At this point, things become all-too predictable, but such is the brilliance of Rocky! Adrian yells at Rocky and shows him the errors of his ways before training commences, and now, everything is different. From this point on, Rocky is schooling Creed in sparring, he’s doing the butterfly stroke like a bad-ass during his daily swim, and he’s running like Carl Lewis on speed. Best of all, after the talk with Adrian, the theme music resumes and order is restored in the Rocky universe!
Anyway, if you ever find yourself badly hung over on a Saturday afternoon, perhaps you’ll be lucky and TNT will be in the midst of a mini-Rocky marathon.
In accordance with the Ciani Scoring System, I’m giving this film three caps.
NOTE: The Ciani Scoring System is based on a scale wherein the maximum score allotted to any given film is five caps, in which five stems are equal to one cap.
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