Gilberto Ramirez, straight outta Mazatlán, Mexico, stepped into the ring and ripped the WBA Cruiserweight Super World Championship right out of Arsen Goulamirian’s clutches. Yeah, you heard it, Ramirez made history, but not by playing nice. He went full beast mode, turning what was a title fight into his personal playground, leaving Goulamirian and his perfect record in shreds.
Ramirez was all, “Dreams come true,” while Goulamirian was left licking his wounds, spewing excuses about not being hurt. Spare us the sob story, Feroz. You lost, deal with it. The VIPs were all there, soaking in the violence, from Oscar De La Hoya to Cedric the Entertainer.
Zurdo, in a display of sheer audacity and perhaps a touch of madness, decided it was his night to rewrite history. With moves slicker than a greased politician, he danced around Goulamirian, turning what was supposed to be a fight into a masterclass in dodgeball.
Ramirez claimed victory, joining the ranks of Mexican legends not by the grace of the gods but by pummeling his opponent into reluctant submission. “Dreams come true,” he proclaimed, as if we hadn’t heard that one before. Meanwhile, Goulamirian, licking his wounds, could only muster a feeble, “His punches didn’t really hurt me.” Oh, Arsen, in the land of denial, you reign supreme.
The co-main event featured Alexis “Lex” Rocha, fresh off a previous humiliation, seeking redemption against Fredrick “General Okunka” Lawson. Rocha, in an apparent attempt to compensate for past shortcomings, unleashed hell, with Lawson on the receiving end of what can only be described as a systematic dismantling. The ref, in a mercy killing, called it off, saving Lawson from further embarrassment and possibly saving Rocha from bursting a blood vessel in his fervor.
Not to be outdone, Ricardo Sandoval decided to use Carlos Buitrago for target practice, showcasing a variety of punches that would have made a seasoned butcher proud. By the eighth round, the doc had seen enough, sparing Buitrago further punishment and the fans further boredom.
Then there was Santiago “Somer” Dominguez, who eked out a split decision victory in a fight that had the judges seemingly scoring a dance-off rather than a boxing match. Close, but no cigarillo, Dominguez. This isn’t “Dancing with the Stars.”
And let’s not overlook the appetizer of the evening, where Joel Iriarte treated Kevin Aguirre like a piñata at a child’s birthday party, sending him crashing down faster than a house of cards in a tornado.
To cap off this festival of carnage, Rowdy Montgomery delivered a knockout to Kareem Hackett so devastating, it had Hackett questioning his life choices and his chin’s durability. And Ronaldo Mancilla, oh, the debutante, made short work of Rueben Johnson, proving that sometimes, the best strategy is simply to hit the other guy really, really hard.
