Everybody who is anybody, and I mean anybody, knows that this September boxing is about to witness such a colossal event it may well be written about in hundreds of years’ time. That is, if anybody is still alive after we have all been forced to take experimental vaccines. The Worlds Strongest man 2017, Eddie Hall from Stoke-on-Trent, versus The Worlds Strongest Man 2018, Thor from Iceland are competing for head to head in a boxing match, with boxing rules! Ladies and gentleman, boxing just doesn’t get any more exciting than this!!!
Stoke legend Eddie Hall stands around 6 foot 2 and a half inches and weighs in at a whopping 360 pounds, with abs. He is often seen in the A50 park doing yoga and other boxing training drills, mostly with his shirt off. Being the first man in recently written about history to deadlift 500kg, Eddie secured his names into the record books for eternity. Thor, whose full name I cannot spell, is best known for being the 2nd man in the world to deadlift over 500kg, beating Eddie Hall’s record by an amazing 1kg. He was also The Mountain in Game of Thrones, standing at some 6 feet 9 inches and weighing in the region of 350 pounds right now, with full abs. Many boxing purists from the UK might not know who Eddie Hall is, but let me tell you he is that famous he cannot even ‘go up Hanley duck’ without being recognized. Thor is more well-known as he has appeared in movies and TV. Both of these guys are absolute genetic phenoms, but can they box, and also, does it f****** matter?
What makes this fight so tasty is the genuine elements that truly make boxing exciting – muscles and personality. Valuev might have been the tallest ever heavyweight belt holder, but he had a hairy dad bod and didn’t have a personality that people could relate to; most of us are not even sure he could talk. These two contestants have everything to make the YouTube boxing fan stand up and claim “these guys could beat Mike Tyson”! A boatload of tattoos over their shaven bodies, abs, massive muscles that make people who don’t know anything about fighting think these fellas can fight. This fight is breaking records not just on the scales but also setting new standards to how professional heavyweight boxers should look, i.e., not like Andy Ruiz. Life is never going to be the same again.
After watching training footage, Eddie Hall has recently been criticized by pop culture icon Joe Rogan who said he was stiff, arm punching, and just wasn’t looking good. He praised Thor due to his training techniques and effort. Joe Rogan knows a lot about the fighting game, so his prognosis must be taken into account, even if it is completely wrong. Way back in 2012, Eddie Hall did compete in a boxing bout, losing on points to a building site manager from Longton, but not looking that bad. In fact, when he pushed the poor guy over, he looked really strong. Thor has recently drew in an exhibition bout against Irish professional Steven Ward, knocking him over with a shot that hit his shoulder area. The dude can punch, he is massive, and if he didn’t have gloves on, he could squeeze a man’s head and make it explode like it was a TV show or something. He has said after his fight with Eddie Hall; he will be looking to take on Tyson Fury, or whoever is the champion at the time. He is basically an unstoppable force, being the only man in history to win The Worlds Strongest Man, Europe’s Strongest mand, and the Arnold Classic in one year. Eddie Hall is the only man who can physically handle him in a non-gay way.
There is a reason Eddie Hearn and Anthony Joshua don’t talk about Eddie Hall, and it certainly isn’t because they think he’s a joke. I fully anticipate Eddie Hall to be avoided like Marvin Hagler was in the 70s, who didn’t get a title shot until he had over 50 fights. The speed, power, agility, and intensity of his YouTube training videos, along with many other factors like size, weight, strength, all add up to Eddie Hall being an absolute monster. Marvelous Marvin Hagler needed congressional intervention to get Hagler his title shot. I think we could see the same scenario play out with Eddie Halls’s inevitable title shot in 2022, which will probably rest with Rishi Sunak or whoever the speaker is in the house of commons.
When we think of world champions, often we are supposed to think of figures who really aren’t champions. Eddie Hall defines the word champion. Stoke’s hardest man. A guy with tattoos. He is often seen around the potteries mingling with the locals as if he too was just your typical jobless benefit scrounging, alcoholic bum from Ryder Road in Meir. When Eddie Hall, also a family man, goes into Smyth’s toy shop in Longton, people queue to get a picture with him, and he never goes into The Black Cock in Blythe without someone, usually Big Kev, buying him a nice drink of Woods Navy rum. The word roadwork to Eddie Hall doesn’t mean running on the roads like Floyd Mayweather. No to people’s champion of Stoke, it means driving up and down the A50 in search of fresh Wright’s pies on his massive motorcycle. Everyone from Clayton Highschool knows the name Eddie Hall and what they think when they hear or see that name is undoubtedly, champion. World champion. Nothing like that can be said about Thor, mostly because in Stoke, they just do not care about him because he is not people’s Eddie Hall.
We can expect this fight to be absolutely massive and set new record viewings. Over 700 pounds of pure man, much like myself, pummelling each other with ferocity and power the likes have which have never been seen, will have most of the Western world taking notice. It will make nights out at LRV appear dull and actionless. I fully expect everyone in the Stoke region to be tuning into watch the legend that is Eddie Hall fight. They won’t be paying for the PPV mind but will be watching it on illegal streams, as Universal Credits can only stretch so far.
Yours in manliness,
Fantana