Boxing is the greatest sport in the history of the universe. Created in Great Britain (like me) many years ago boxing has given the world some of the greatest men ever. A look through the champions of each division since records began comes up with zillions of names, far more than I care to try and count. Yet somewhere in these names are undoubtedly guys who have taken what are commonly known as PEDs, performance enhancing drugs. I am sure your mum, like my mum, always tells you that drugs are bad and you should never ever take them – even when they make you look cool and get you girls. A short while ago I wrote an article about how to tell if a fighter is on PEDs.
Today I am going to tell you that it does not matter if a fighter is on PEDs or not. This may sound controversial and I am in no way advocating or encouraging anyone to do anything which could be a little bit illegal but my stance on the issue is that PEDs are not an issue. If one of your favourite fighters has recently been busted for PEDs you will need to be well informed when discussing with your friends or internet buddies why they are still great – even though most people are saying they are cheating scum. That might sound hard at first, in a non-gay way, but by reading the list below you will find yourself informed and able to take on all challengers as if you yourself where a boxing champion on loads of PEDs.
1) They don’t suddenly make you invincible
Contrary to popular belief among anti-PED campaigners they do not suddenly turn you from a bit shit to the next world champion overnight. It doesn’t happen, hasn’t happened and I can guarantee it never will happen. They won’t make you a super-hero with extreme punching power that might kill a guy with one punch. Most people don’t understand PEDs and how they work (by enhancing performance). You could argue that they don’t do that much actually and it is almost pointless in taking them. Guys like Mr Olympia easily could have achieved that physique if they had eaten more free-range egg whites. Find a popular fighter who has been busted for PEDs and check out his record – does it involve a loss? There’s your answer, PEDs made no difference whatsoever. That is unless of course the PEDs caused them to become over confident and actually ruined their mental focus. I bet no-one ever thought of that before.
2) They are common in pro-athletes
Without naming names or having any evidence whatsoever to back up this often used phrased, everyone is doing it. Everyone. Not just in boxing but all sports, even badminton. Ever since there has been competition there have been people trying to outdo someone else by any means necessary. This could be getting more sleep, paying someone to help you or throwing beer in someone’s really handsome blue eyes before you hit them (that last one happened to me). In sports it maybe just going to a well-known PED seller and asking them for advice and giving a fake name to get the drugs from him. No big deal because anyone could do it. Even if a guy hasn’t tested positive it doesn’t mean he is clean. That is one key fact you have to remember – in the modern world we live in if someone accuses you of something you have to prove your innocence. If you don’t, or can’t because the claims are stupid, you look even more guilty. Since it is common knowledge that 99.9999% of pros take PEDs you don’t need to feel bad if your guy pisses in the wrong cup, so to speak, and gets caught out. It happens to the best of ‘em.
3) Crappy match making is a bigger problem
Lettuce be cereal here, if Danny Champion of the World is going to fight Joe Punchbag with a losing record who lives in Bangor it won’t make one iota of difference if Joe Punchbag has enough PEDs in his system to start his own pharmacy. Nope, a far bigger issue is guys fighting dudes who are way below their skill levels or even in their age groups. It was horrific to see Mayweather beat up on Canelo who was only 22 at the time. He should always fight guys his own age instead of picking on the youngsters. If we are honest about this boxing is full of absolutely criminal match ups. Klitschko vs pretty much anyone else for example. You know who the winner is going to be before the bell rings, it’s just so obvious. It would be like the football equivalent of Chelsea playing Burnley.
4) Team members make a bigger difference
Head trainers, nutritionist, strength conditioning coach etc etc. Let’s face it boxing parallels society – the haves and the have nots. Much like #3 on this superb list #4 is a bigger problem than any overly injected boxer. Some fighters get better medical treatment then their opponent and if their opponent happens to have a broken toe that didn’t heal properly due to the quack that’s way more unfair. If one fighter has got an entourage of scientists and shit working around the clock to make sure he is in prime fighting condition and the other bloke is having to do pretty much everything himself – like running up snowy mountain tops – then guess who is more likely to win? If Rocky 4 has taught us anything it is that those guys with all the outside help are probably injecting themselves with PEDs – for a shoulder injury or torn bicep. They won’t make you a winner, ever.
5) It isn’t morally wrong
This seems to be the biggest issue people have. It is not morally wrong to improve yourself. I would say a real man, such as myself, should look to improve himself daily. In my case that is obviously impossible but for genetic inferiors they can do other things like get their teeth fixed, have a wash and of course read. For a pro-boxer whose job it is to be the best they can be taking PEDs is without question one of the smartest things they can do. Just like taking a protein shake or drinking a red bull, they potentially improve your performance just like PEDs. Around the world right now there are thousands of guys taking protein shakes trying to get ahead and improve themselves, I don’t see a difference. In fact there is pretty much no difference except with PEDs you have to poke a needle into your bottom, in a non-gay way. Maximizing your potential should always be encouraged and applauded. Swapping your girl for a younger model, dramatically improving your health, is about the same as taking PEDs and I don’t hear anyone saying they wouldn’t do that if they had the opportunity.
6) They don’t harm a legacy
A legacy is cemented throughout all of history by three things:- wins, losses, names. I definitely didn’t just make that up like a PED allegation on an internet forum. Other factors may come into the equation such as longevity, popularity, how cold the weather was or a bunch of other stuff people will throw into the mix when discussing resumes – but they don’t impact a legacy in the same manner. What is important is that there are lots of wins, bugger all losses and the names on the resume are well known. No one is going to look at a fighters resume and see they may have tested positive for a banned substance for one fight and think ‘Hey, this tarnishes the whole legacy’. It is idiotic and illogical. A reasonable assumption to make is that they either didn’t know what they were taking or they only ever did it once, got caught, repented and never ever did it again. Leopards don’t change their spots and neither do previously always positive free testing guys who have only ever tested positive for PEDs once. Think about it….
In many ways it is easier to stay ignorant of the above facts then it is to man-up and say ‘I concur’. It is much more satisfying for the informed gentleman to come out on top in any discussion and I know this article will help you. With one of the biggest fights of the year coming up we may see another influx of PED awareness spreading throughout the boxing world. Do not fear it because like feminism and fat acceptance it is just a modern hysteria which will wash out before too long. I have proved PEDs are a non-issue in boxing and I am sure you will find a fighter has way more to worry about than an even playing field or if the guy trying to whack him in the face has taken things which may aid his performance considerably.
Yours in manliness,