Audley slip ruins night – Haye vs. Harrison fight break down

By Fantana: Ahead on all three judges’ scorecards an Audley Harrison slip changed the course of heavyweight history and in a stunning upset David Haye retained his WBA Heavyweight title. I was at the fight along with some men who think I’m cool and what we witnessed can only be described as perhaps the most exciting three rounds of heavyweight boxing ever - dwarfing the action and manliness of Hagler vs Hearns. The fight was exciting and controversial; the crowd were all in agreement with me because they all booed at the outrageous refereeing decision to stop the fight so early. It can only be described as another black eye for boxing and another five million in the bank for Mr David Haye who lives in Cyprus.


After coming out to Phil Collins you could tell Audley meant business and as they touched gloves Audley towered over little Dave who looked frightened. The action quickly got underway after just two minutes into the first round when Audley Harrison threw three blisteringly fast jabs rocking David Haye who forever kept backing off. Everything that Audley did was cheered by the crowd because everyone loves Audley Harrison in a non-gay way. It was a clear big round for Audley and a great pace setter for the next two rounds. Clearly my prediction of a first round knockout victory for Audley would have come true if he had landed a couple more of those crisp hard jabs.


Again using his outrageously awesome jab Audley controlled the pace of the action and kept little Dave at bay. Using his height and reach effectively Harrison was able to pepper David Haye with another two good jabs in this round, whilst Haye could not seem to close the gap on the former Olympic Gold medallist. The electrifying atmosphere in the MEN arena was translating in the ring as a fast paced action brawl, a living breathing Die Hard if you will. Clearly another round here where Audley Harrison exposed the flaws in David Haye’s game. which he found thirteen years ago when Haye was unable to grow a decent moustache. A big round for Harrison had him up by two on the judges’ score cards going into the third and final round.


This is where David Haye decided he would try and punch Audley Harrison in the face. Audley swiftly went to work after just thirty seconds throwing a jab to the body of David Haye which clearly winded him. Like an injured bull David Haye had to put everything on the line and flailed at Audley Harrison with shades of Kat Slater like menace. Landing some big shots on the model like face of his challenger David Haye went hell for leather and tried to beat up Audley Harrison in front of his wife and kid. In the excitement of hitting someone David Haye started to punch Audley in the back of the head and used several elbows to inflict pain. Showing a heart bigger than that of an elephant Audley Harrison bravely weathered the storm and was just getting back into the action when he slipped on a wet patch on the canvas and fell down. Whilst on the floor you could clearly see Audley Harrison trying to find out what exactly he had slipped on, Pepsi Max or Coca Cola.

Not wanting to be counted out Audley got up, his eyes clear as a bell and a burning desire in his belly to thrash the Hayemaker. Unfortunately the referee got too involved in the action and just as Harrison was doing rope-a-dope and having Haye punch himself out the fight was unbelievably called to a halt. Looking as shocked as all in attendance Audley Harrison shook his head at the referee and walked valiantly out of the ring. I also noticed Frank Bruno shaking his head furiously, he himself had been victim to the same kind of refereeing blunder in his second fight with Tyson and will know exactly how Audley Harrison is feeling right now.


As I got closer to the ring shouting support for Audley some menacing individuals decided to throw foreign objects at David Haye who was celebrating in the ring. Unfortunately they landed 140 feet away from their intended target and hit me in the back of the head almost knocking me to the floor. The crowd were really unhappy, I heard people saying such things as “farce” and “robbery” and “I want my bloody money back.” It was so bad that a riot could have broken out at any minute. Clearly David Haye needs to do the honourable thing and grant Audley Harrison a rematch. It is the only way David will get the respect from boxing fans that he craves. Should the rematch never happen it will join a long list of heavyweight boxing rematches which the public were deprived of such as Hide – Klitschko II and Lewis – McCrory II. David Cameron has also said a rematch will help the country overcome the recession. On the drive home I was on Radio 5 Live and they agreed with basically everything I have said and also called for a rematch. Let us hope David Haye sees sense and doesn’t go chasing a meaningless match with a Klitschko - the world needs Harrison vs Haye II.

Yours in manliness,

About the author – Fantana is currently puzzled as to why he continues to be perceived as a p***k.

Article posted on 14.11.2010

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