You can’t deny destiny – Harrison to KO Haye, no doubt

boxingBy Fantana: All right fight fans, here we go. With just over a week left until Britain’s biggest boxing event of the century anticipation has boiled over and Britain is in an Audley Harrison frenzy. I am so excited about the fight I had my wife bake a cake with models of Harrison standing over a beaten David Haye. A recent poll survey conducted by The Shropshire Star indicated that 71% of Britons want Audley Harrison to win. This is a far cry from back in September when the fight was announced and greeted with universal disapproval from boxing fans who generally believed that Audley Harrison did not deserve a title shot. But over the course of the last couple of months folks have started to tire of David Haye and his constant talking and many are annoyed at him because they feel Haye should have been fighting a Klitschko or two. Numerous famous people have been offering vocal support for Audley Harrison in the recent press including pop group JLS, David Cameron, Frank Bruno, fellow Olympic gold medal winner James De Gale and also Bernie Clifton.

You wouldn’t think so now but at one point I actually believed I may have been the only real man who still believed in Audley Harrison. However by showing his true grit and determination in various interviews Audley has once again rekindled the love affair with the British public which began over ten years ago when he returned home with Olympic Gold. This is largely to do with his YouTube videos and the infamous axe he was carrying for protection which showed a more human side to Audley, a side slightly vulnerable to rabid bear attacks..

Just like the good old days Britons everywhere are packing into the local pubs to discuss the fight and drink Guinness. You literally cannot go anywhere without someone mentioning Audley Harrison as the next heavyweight champion of the world. Facebook is swamped with messages of support for Audley, whilst David Haye’s Facebook profile is overrun with reminders of what Audley has promised to do to David come Nov 13th. and not all of them were posted by me. A lot of this has to do with the face that even Mike Tyson, a man who threatened to eat children and crush skulls, has stated that some of the things David Haye has said he finds repulsive and uncalled for.

But enough of the hype already! Let’s get down to business in a non-gay way. I am going to outline the major components of this fight and detail while Audley Harrison will beat little Dave next Saturday.


I first noticed the height difference at the press conference. On paper it is only three inches, but in reality it seems to be more like five or six feet. Audley just towers over Haye and looks like a colossus in comparison, reminiscent of Epic Beard Man. Every time little Dave is standing within close proximity to the Olympic Gold medallist he looks visibly shaken up. Audley Harrison uses his height well, possibly the only heavyweight out there that uses his height better than Audley Harrison is Vitali Klitschko who leans back from punches and hits opponents in the face from across the ring.


If Haye comes in lighter than his last fight he will be under 220 lbs. In his training videos I have noticed he looks slightly fat and I don’t believe he has been training that hard. Certainly Haye isn’t showing the definition he did in his fight against two time world champion and my personal favourite heavyweight of all time John Ruiz, so I think perhaps David Haye will be heavier, even if the scales say something different. Audley has been consistently around 250lbs his entire career, he always looks like he is carved out of marble. Due to the weight difference Audley will be able to lean on Haye, who lacks stamina, and push him around the ring like a bully in a playground.



David Haye has a decent offensive which mainly replies on two key things, speed and power. He doesn’t know what the word diversity is in this respect, he just punches people hard and fast. We could easily say this is enough and he has a better offensive than any other heavyweight out there but when you are fighting an Audley Harrison it simply isn’t enough. Audley has everything, a sweet jab, a big straight left, vicious uppercuts, fight ending hooks….his punches are the complete package especially if he ever decides to throw them. If we look at the numbers Audley’s stats are far greater than David Haye’s, his punches thrown to fights won statistic is second to none.

But apart from punching Audley also has something else over David Haye and when combined with his weight it turns into a fight ender. You see, Audley Harrison is a master at stepping on opponents toes to hurt them. Can you imagine if Audley were to step on Haye’s little toe with that extra thirty pounds he carries? It might make Audley Champion there and then especially if he also punches Haye in the face.


When a river flows uninterrupted by beavers and shit it doesn’t matter how hard you try to swim against it eventually you will succumb to its power. The river in this instance happens to go by the name Destiny and its journey started long ago. Audley always knew he was destined to win the Olympic Gold medal. He has always spoken about being world champion, the man has hunger which is clear for everyone to see. David Haye speaks about how he has achieved all his goals, to be rich and live in Cyprus and that he has secured his awesome legacy and wants to retire sooner rather than later. He truly is the sort of guy to drive his flash car into a lamppost because he was taking photos of himself on his Blackberry.

As different as they are it is obvious that the two men’s careers have been entwined from the start, in a non-gay way. Haye was once a student and friend of Audley Harrison but now he is the man who stands in his way to accomplishing his destiny. He is Terry Wogan to Audley’s David Icke, Edison to Tesla and Phil Mitchel to Dirty Den.



When you come to a conclusion you have to consider all of the facts just like I have done. The bottom line is that Audley Harrison is older, taller and weighs the most. Apart from rumours of David Haye being knocked down by Tony Thompson in sparring there are more worrying rumours that David Haye is addicted to Fifa 11 on the Playstation 3. He is apparently more concerned with getting Millwall promoted to the Premier league than he is with training. Compare that with Audley Harrison, who doesn’t even know what a Blu Ray is, and consider to yourself who has really been training the hardest and is going to be more equipped to fight next Saturday?


With that all being said I don’t expect it to be an easy night for Audley Harrison, it just wouldn’t be fitting because of his tough journey in boxing and in life. I anticipate David Haye putting up a fight like it’s a first date, perhaps test Audley, be really stubborn and annoying and not go down for fifteen or so minutes, again just like a first date. Then, using his height and weight Audley will pummel little Dave into a bloody mess, and eventually knock him out. Destiny makes one ponder if the man Audley has to defeat to become world champion was always going to be David Haye? I consider it so and come November 13th we shall find out. The cake has spoken.

Yours in manliness,

About the author – Fantana enjoys eating cake with his bredren, no doubt. He shares every crumb, of every slice, of every cake, trust.

Article posted on 06.11.2010

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